


Dying Coals

by CelticPhoenixProductions



Category: Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magika | Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Genre: Angst, Childhood Friends, Desperation, F/F, F/M, Heartbreak, Hurt/Comfort, Loneliness, Real Life, Romance, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-04
Updated: 2016-08-02
Packaged: 2018-07-29 00:01:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7662292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CelticPhoenixProductions/pseuds/CelticPhoenixProductions
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For young girls in love there comes a tipping point; either to express their affections or to depart from them altogether. Sometimes such ultimatums come naturally, becoming another segment in the natural flow of life... and sometimes they are forced, causing damage that will ripple into the ether for ages to come... [Real World AU] "Souls Beyond Time - Part 5"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dying Coals

**Author's Note:**

> Installment five of 'Souls Beyond Time'!
> 
> I made a personal demand of myself before beginning to write this one, which was finishing chapter five of my novel… which is sitting at almost 20,000 words… The chapter that is, not the novel. The novel is around 60,000 at current. Yes, chapter 5 is 1/3 the length of the novel. No, I don't know how that happened. Yes, I'm scared people will drop the book there. But, eh, c'est la vie.
> 
> We're finally diving back into Sayaka and her issues! This will probably be the one story in the collection with the most… unusual twists and turns to it. You'll probably see what I mean in the second part. This is another of the plot ideas that helped formed the entire 'Souls Beyond Time' series. It's also a rare part of the series that is actually planned to be a two-parter, unlike Tinder and Charcoal which were both supposed to be single chapter fics.
> 
> So, without further ado, I give you an angsty blueberry!

Suggested Listening: "Ave Maria", _Madoka Magica OST_

O/o\O

_Dying Coals_

When she was young Sayaka had professed that she wanted to be a knight when she grew up, that she wanted to be a strong, heroic figure to save the damsel in distress and return home a champion of justice from distant lands.

They were childish dreams. She had been told so by her parents, by her peers, and even by her friends.

But one day she had told this ambition to someone, someone who hadn't blinked an eye, who hadn't questioned the blunette's vehement proclamations for a second; a young boy with silver hair and an unearthly talent for the violin.

Kyosuke Kamijou was quite possibly Sayaka's oldest friend, rivaling Hitomi and only narrowly beating out Madoka by a small margin.

He, along with Hitomi, had become Sayaka's first real posse, meeting before school, hanging out over breaks, doing homework together. And while that dynamic had changed when he had dived into perfecting his musical craft, he still remained close to the two girls.

And yes, the distance that popped up between the three, physical as it was, was emotionally painful, but Sayaka wouldn't have Kyosuke give up on his dreams for anything. He was aiming to become one of the greatest violinists on the planet, and Sayaka knew he would get there.

She remembered the very first time she saw him play; they'd been eight at the time, and seeing him hansomed up in a tux and bowtie still gave her the shivers. He'd been so little in comparison to everyone else on stage, but the minute his bow had hit the violin's strings all eyes had been sucked right to him. The other people on stage had melted away and Sayaka distinctly remembered crying at how beautiful the sound was.

That was the moment she knew she'd fallen head-over-heels in love with the boy.

Admittedly, she hadn't realized it at the time. She was too young to understand that bubbling feeling and had simply stuck to the boy as best she could, like some kind of adoring gnat. But come 3 years, sexual education and the onset of puberty and she realized why exactly she had problems talking around him in coherent sentences and why her palms sweat if he even so much as glanced at her.

It had almost been nine years since she fell in love with him… and yet she couldn't even stomach the thought of confessing. It had become a running gag in her circle of friends that there was a betting pool on when she'd finally spill or when he'd get scooped up by someone else, and while she despised the joke she couldn't deny the truth buried under it.

Sayaka was procrastinating at love, was hindering her chances to be happy with him, and yet…

He could always say 'no'.

Kyosuke was a passionate young man, but his demeanor had always been polite and quite despite the underlying fire. This led very often to him casting the unnecessary riffraff of the day to the side in favor of focusing on what he loved. And while she was sure that he loved her back she was equally unsure about him holding romance in very high regard. At best he could possibly see it as an unnecessary time sink and at worst he might even consider it a dalliance that hindered his artistic pursuits.

And it was this unease that kept Sayaka at arm's length for nine years of her life.

She wondered how Madoka and Mami had managed it as long as they had, the discomfort of not knowing what the other person was thinking. Maybe Hitomi hadn't been wrong about needing to reach a level where partners could read each others' minds…

Then again, there was nothing normal about Mami and Madoka's relationship, starting with the minute Sayaka had first learned about it.

It was supposed to be a day out with the two, getting new phones together using money left over from a rather relaxing Christmas. The suggestion had been at Madoka's behest initially, who proclaimed she wanted to get something nice before Sayaka, Hitomi and her graduated come spring.

Having finished her chores at home early, and knowing that Madoka had stayed over at Mami's the night prior (something that only became suspicious under the filter of hindsight), she'd decided to make her way over there so the three of them could go out early, maybe even get a bite to eat.

Instead, through a series of boneheaded thoughts, Sayaka had misconstrued a sound from beyond Mami's front door to be a cry of pain from the blonde. After scrambling for the emergency key and bursting into the apartment, she found it to be anything but. Instead of finding a burglar assaulting her sempai she found two bouncing pink pigtails between the older girl's legs, with Madoka apparently _also_ thinking that it was a good time to eat out.

Sayaka blushed at the memory, snapping her eyes closed even harder at that pun that had weaseled its way to the surface of her thoughts.

Madoka had scrambled, weakly trying to justify that she'd dropped something. The blush on her cheeks (among other… _stuff_ ) told otherwise.

So the day had turned out more interesting than the three had expected, with Madoka and Mami explaining exactly where they stood before the trio decided to depart for the phone store. Apparently the two had kept the relationship a secret since the Christmas before last, meaning it had been just a little over a year where Sayaka's best friend had hidden the fact that she and another one of their very close mutual friends had entered into a pretty explicit relationship.

Though, it _had_ clarified some weird things she'd seen happen over the last year. For one, Madoka breaking down in happy tears at Mami's graduation seemed to make more sense. She'd known the pinkette to get emotional, but the waterworks had seemed like a little overkill for what was ultimately a pretty mundane event. The other were the occasional fallings out between the two that had happened over the year where they wouldn't talk to each other for a week or two before suddenly returning to normal without explanation.

Madoka had been nice enough to clear that up, explaining that both of them had their fair share of edges to smooth out in the relationship. Mami was apparently a little clingier than she let on, and while Madoka didn't elaborate, it did add up how so much of the pinkette's time in the last year had suddenly gone up in smoke. Madoka, on her part, had anxieties over measuring up to Mami's expectations, especially because she already had self-image issues from before the relationship started. While Madoka hadn't gone into specifics about any of what had been fights over the past year, the girl _had_ expressed relief that she could confide in Sayaka now instead of bottling up her concerns about Mami.

Which begged the obvious question from the blunette; why had the two kept quiet for an entire year? To which Madoka gave a less than satisfactory answer. Short story, it had been a game. Long story, they were uneasy with the relationship and didn't want to disrupt the group dynamic since everyone was still off-kilter with their loss of a member two years prior. The two developed a game around it in order to make it easier, and they'd not felt a need to break the game, even after a year.

While the groan Sayaka had given after that probably broke the sound barrier, she was at least happy to see two of her best friends in the world happy together. The couple had opened up a bit around her, even came out to Hitomi to Sayaka's surprise. Holding hands, brief chaste kisses; the two were very endearing, even though they were going through extra lengths to be subtle, especially when out in public. And that look the two shared between them, the soft smiles that Sayaka would catch when neither of them noticed... well, they warmed the blunette's heart… and made it hunger for something just like it.

At times Sayaka caught herself swapping places with one of the two in a dreamy recreation of when she'd walked in on them; sometimes in place of Mami, others in place of Madoka. If she was honest, and she felt guilty with the admission, she'd lingered on those thoughts some nights, lingered on that pure, genial warmth that wafted off the two in waves. Sometimes she even caught herself wanting to forgo Kyosuke entirely and throw herself at the two, to leech on that warm aura. But she passed off those feelings as frivolous crushes, ones ultimately born by her own mind to challenge her devotion to Kyosuke.

Which brought her back to her own quest for love and how crooked the road had become.

Madoka had explained that she and Mami weren't exactly… right. Part of the struggles in their relationship came from emotional traumas long past. But, they worked together to pull each other out of their holes, no matter how far one of them sank. They were each others' knights and each others' damsels, a notion that seemed so incredibly romantic to the blunette that she couldn't help but get behind it the minute the concept plopped into her head.

How many times had she fantasized about playing opposite her predisposed role? To become the damsel in all those stories, to be faint and dainty, to fall into Kyosuke's arms after he rescued her from some vile pursuer? Such fantasies were nice, especially the moments she imagined after in the lonesome quiet of her room, illuminated only by the screen of her laptop and the finest princes the internet had to offer.

Still, something revolted inside her at the notion that she would be the frail end of the relationship. The dream of being pampered by a prince was sweet, but it was a dream nonetheless. She was content to play her part of the 'hero', even if it meant she wouldn't have quite the robust wish-fulfillment she wanted.

And then something mundane had happened; some rain, a puddle, some marble flooring and a shattered bottle.

Sayaka had been the first person behind Kyosuke's parents to arrive at the hospital and the definitive first when the news had come down about the partial paralysis ailing the left side of his body, about the torn tendons in his wrist.

For the first time in her life, in her role as the hero, Sayaka had found her 'damsel'. And the thought absolutely killed her on the inside.

Kyosuke's prospects in the future were shattered in an instant. If he was lucky, he'd regain control of his limbs in the grand scheme, but the odds of fine motor control returning completely were beyond astronomical. Music had been torn away from the boy without a single warning, and the news had crushed him.

Those had been lonely days for everyone, everyone except Madoka and Mami, Sayaka supposed. There was a reason Sayaka hadn't probed about Madoka vanishing on her; she had spent almost every other day cooped up at the hospital trying to support Kyosuke. Every thought had been hijacked by the need to ensure his comfort and safety, to give him the best recovery he could ever have.

He had isolated himself first, until about two weeks had passed when Sayaka got sick of sitting outside in the hall and finally confronted him. Had it not been for how desperate she was to get her concern across to him he probably would have just told her to leave again by the end of her rant. But no, the two sussed out a visiting schedule, dependent on when he was feeling well, and she'd kept him company at least once each week since.

At some point along the line she'd struck upon the idea to collect music for him, to give him CDs to occupy his time, rare music to fawn over. She reasoned that while she couldn't provide miracles, maybe she could provide a fraction of what he loved about performing to set his mind at ease. The idea was a hit and she'd did what she could to bring him CDs every week to refresh his collection. Hell, she even collected books on music theory and composers he liked, hoping they'd help him pass the time.

Months had passed since their pattern emerged, and Kyosuke was happier. Even after she started college she kept it up, trying her best to be there when the boy wasn't in therapy or visiting the on-site psychologist.

And things were good. He was taking large steps towards regaining his ability to walk with his left leg, and his left hand apparently had occasional spouts of feeling.

And yet, despite all she had done to try and better his life, she had not confessed.

Sayaka stepped out into the brusk, bitter air, sinking her chin beneath the folds of the red scarf around her neck and affixing the white knit cap atop her head. November was colder than she remembered, and she was briefly thankful for the central heating the hospital had, else poor Kyosuke would probably become a Kyoscicle.

The blunette snorted at her internalized joke, shaking her head of the strange strand of thoughts and memories that had dominated her mind the last few minutes. Leaving the hospital always brought out an assortment of emotions from the girl.

"Oh Sayaka!"

The student perked at the voice, eyes trailing to her right to find a wavy haired grunette clad in beige ushanka and coat, giving her a gentle wave.

"Hitomi! What are you doing around here?" Sayaka grinned, walking up to her friend. The two shared a hug.

"Actually, I came looking for you. You just got out from visiting Kamijo, yes?" Hitomi asked, shifting the satchel over her shoulder. "Would you like to come get a drink with me? I was hoping to talk with you about something important; something about Kamijo."

The blunette's smile waned somewhat as she sensed a shift in her friend's words. The cheer and honesty were still there, but the closer she got to the end of the sentence the more the words became hollow and dull, despite the outward sound.

"Uh, yeah, that'd be fine. There's a coffee shop not too far down that way," Sayaka replied, pointing just down the street. "We can talk there, if you like."

"I would appreciate that, Sayaka," Hitomi nodded.

The two stood there for a moment, neither moving, an uneven air surrounding them. It was stifling, almost like a heavy sauna despite the freezing twinge at the edge.

"Uh, right, well… C'mon 'Tomi, let's get going! I was hoping to go shopping for groceries after this," the blunette cheered, choosing to dispel the miasma with a boisterous proclamation.

Hitomi's smile waned as Sayaka's had, but only so briefly before she responded, "Yes, of course. Lead the way!"

And just as instructed, Sayaka lead the grunette down the street.

O/o\O

Suggested Listening: "Chippoke na Jibun", _Mirai Nikki OST_

O/o\O

Sayaka shivered, trying to soak in what rays of light were streaming in through the window. She momentarily mused that a bright sunny day shouldn't be so cold, especially when seated in a nice comfy coffee shop, but those thoughts were cast aside when Hitomi sat down across from her.

Contact with the grunette had been sparse since they'd graduated, though the distance seemed to do good for their relationship, smoothing over the last edges from a mistake they'd made together before high school. They went to different colleges these days, so unlike Madoka and Mami who attended the same school, seeing Hitomi was a crapshoot of schedules and planning. So Sayaka tried to savor moments like this, despite the growing unease that seemed to be clouding the mood.

"Have Mami and Madoka been doing well? I haven't talked with them in a couple of weeks," the grunette started, stirring some creamer into a fresh cup of coffee.

"Well, you know them, being all kissy-kissy and goo-goo eyed over each other. Makes me jealous, to be honest," Sayaka chuckled, taking a sip from her own piping hot mug. Hot chocolate; a childish dalliance on her part, but one she found refreshing after knocking back so much Coffee on a couple all-nighters.

Hitomi shivered, eyes squeezing shut, "Please, I was just asking if they were healthy is all, I don't need details like that. You know how uncomfortable it makes me…"

The chiding was good natured. It was true that Hitomi never quite acclimated to the idea of same-sex couples, or the apparently more malleable leanings her friends seemed to have, but the girl was good about expressing her unease as a personal issue and never once tried to blame her friends for some kind of immoral behavior. Sure, from time to time she cracked a joke here or there about it ("Girls can't love girls!" from those far-off halcyon days had become a running gag among the group), but she was always very considerate.

There was a small stab of guilt at Sayaka's chest. Her brief fling with Hitomi, if it could even be that, was most likely what set the grunette on a prudish route, even beyond the formal upbringing. It was one of those moments that Sayaka wished she could take back, not because of her own emotions which had settled on the matter a long time ago, but on her friend's account.

"Alright, alright, I'll cool it," the blunette replied, rolling her eyes. "But yes, they're doing well. In fact, Mami got a car about… what? A week? Week and a half ago? One of those real energy-efficient ones… the hybrids or whateveryacallsit."

"I thought she wasn't a fan? Where does she park it?" Hitomi asked, taking a sip.

"The building has an underground parking garage. Her family had a space paid for already with her apartment. And she's not exactly comfortable with it, but she got a part-time job at this really ritzy bakery that doesn't exactly hit the right train lines, so it was more necessity than anything," Sayaka elaborated, swishing her lips to the side in a half-scowl. Mami's fear of cars had been a rare topic of discussion, but she couldn't deny her own unease. And if even Hitomi was off put by the idea of Mami behind the wheel, Sayaka could only imagine what Madoka was feeling. Deciding a topic change would be better than dwelling on the issue, Sayaka hopped to the point of the chat, "So… what did you want to talk about…?"

Hitomi's soft smile fell away in an instant and Sayaka knew immediately something very unpleasant was coming.

"Right… well…" Hitomi cleared her throat, setting down her coffee and folding her hands very properly in her lap, straightening her back. "I… This isn't exactly the easiest topic to breach, so I apologize if I seem blunt or overbearing." Now Sayaka's face fell, lagging behind the grunettes only by a few seconds and a few spoken words. The girl continued, "I have been your friend for almost as long as I have been alive, and in that time I know how close you've become with Kamijo. I know how much you love him and I understand that you would do anything for him. But I also know that you're unobservant and probably haven't noticed too often… I am his friend in very much the same way."

The blunette's throat tightened. Did that mean…?

Hitomi's eyes shot up to meet concerned cerulean, "I love Kyosuke Kamijo just as much if not more than you, Sayaka."

Sayaka froze, her fingers deadlocked around the cup, the calming warmth growing scalding hot with the prolonged contact.

"Hit… 'Tomi… Why are you telling me this…?" Sayaka managed to stutter out.

Hitomi closed her eyes and went to take another sip of her coffee before answering.

"Because I intend to confess to him within the next three days."

The air caught in the blunette's throat, her fingers finally wincing away from her cup.

"I… but Kyosuke and I-…" Sayaka started.

"Are just friends, Sayaka. You two are _only_ friends," Hitomi leveled her eyes in challenge at her, green boring in through Sayaka's skull. "You have passed up every chance to change that, to tell him, and yet you've shirked the courage needed to do so at every turn. I have watched you flounder, and while my feelings are most likely younger than yours, they are no less passionate about making him my own. In three days time I _will_ confess to him, of that I am more than intent; I am determined."

Sayaka pawed at her mug and lifted it to her lips, the container shaky and spritzing her face with boiling liquid as it neared. She winced, but downed a sip in vain effort to calm herself.

"But, _why_?" the blunette growled, "Why tell me any of this? Why not just do it?"

Hitomi's defiant expression softened, became sad, "Because I love you Sayaka. You're like a sister to me, you _and_ Madoka, and I want to see the both of you happy. I've waited so long to tell him because I thought that one day you'd be happy with him and I'd be able to move on… But I just can't wait any longer, especially since the accident."

"The… h-he's going to be fine…" Sayaka muttered, her bangs falling over her eyes as her head lulled forward.

"He's not, Sayaka," Hitomi retorted, her voice raising in both volume and desperation. "His life, and anyone who spends their life with him, is going to be impossibly difficult, and I don't want to see two people waste away in denial when they both could be happier. I don't… After what happened with Homura, and then Kamijo's accident… And seeing you there day after day doing _nothing_ …" the grunette's voice drew on a malignant note, her face screwing in a grimace, "I'm not standing by any longer."

The girl collected herself, eyes carefully tracking the blue slumped form across from her.

"Three days, Sayaka. I'm giving you one last chance to tell him. In three days I'll confess, and I'll live with that decision, come what may." With that Hitomi finished her cup and left it to sit on its saucer. She stood, collected her bag and turned towards the door. "I want to see you and Kyosuke happy, 'Yaki. Please, don't pass up this chance to make everything right."

Sayaka jumped at the childhood nickname, though all the served was to make her silently slump all the more in her chair.

Hitomi, with her words said, quietly strolled towards the door.

And still, to Sayaka, her footsteps were deafening.

O/o\O

Suggested Listening: "Serena Ira", _Puella Magi Madoka Magica OST_

O/o\O

Sayaka's hands were shaking.

It felt like they'd been shaking for two days straight.

Two days.

Leave it to a B student like herself to procrastinate on something this important.

She flipped the jewel case around in her fingers, cuffs of her oversized sweatshirt clipping against its edges every few turns. The elevator was taking forever to reach the right floor.

A quieter part of her mind was nervous because this would be a rare occasion where she visited Kyosuke only a few days apart. The louder half was more preoccupied with how she was about to spill her guts to him. It briefly occurred to her that she may very well spill her stomach too.

Hitomi's words had hurt. Who was Sayaka fucking kidding? The words had _burned_ , searing into the blunette's core like a cattle prod.

But, as a prod does, it finally spurred the girl to action… if only when there were only a few waking hours of cushion. Still, the fact that she'd run out to the mall to find a present, anything that could convey how she felt along with her words, spoke volumes of how the challenge had affirmed her desire to secure the other teen's love.

Now though, as the elevator doors opened, she felt her confidence waning. Jellied legs slipped through the barrier, though they carried her no further than the first foot of hallway.

She didn't want to be doing this. It had occurred to her the night after Hitomi's declaration that the grunette was _right_. Sayaka was stuck in a perpetual fantasy, locked into believing that by spending enough time with Kyosuke would somehow prod him into making the first move, an endearment strategy with no bite and no end goal. She'd become complacent, and as a result it was quietly stunting the two of them from being friends or being more. With how difficult his life was going to be, he needed both of them to be at their best.

Her mind crystallized, the memory of two nights prior reenergizing her will.

Knuckles white, Sayaka stalked off towards Kyosuke's room, taking deep, shuttering breaths in an attempt to maintain her confidence.

The world was still as she knocked on the door and slid it open.

"Sayaka?"

Cerulean eyes bounced up to meet cool steel, the puzzled gaze of a young man with shaggy grey hair in a dingy green hospital gown.

The blunette gave a wave and a sheepish smile, slowly pacing over to the boy's bedside with her arms behind her back.

"Hey, Kyosuke! Hope you don't mind me popping in on you!" she said, her voice dipping into a moment of apology near the tail of the sentence.

A stream of emotions popped across his visage before he smiled softly and shook his head, "No, it's no problem, I just… didn't expect to see you."

"Yeah, well…" Sayaka sighed, plopping into a chair next to his bed. She'd planned for this question, mulling over any number of probable responses she could give. There was some embarrassment to admit that it had been more than just one of the reasons she hadn't gotten much sleep the last forty-eight hours. "I'm going to be busy next week with preparing for finals and my hours at the café are getting worse the colder it gets. I won't be able to swing by till the week after."

Another odd look crossed his face, almost like relief, before he nodded in response, "I see. Well, a little more time together doesn't hurt, now does it? Though are you doing alright? You have… bags under your eyes…"

He gave her a concerned smile, one that she tried to ignore but there was a moment of lapse in her demeanor when the hollow echo of sleep deprivation came knocking.

"What? Pffft, I'm fine…" she chuckled, rubbing the back of her neck with one hand. Kyosuke gave her a doubtful look and she sagged in her seat. Realizing that she needed something, she dug deeper in her bag of half-truths. She bobbed her back up just a bit to reply, "Well, actually, trig's been kicking my ass. Y'know, it was Madoka who really got the whole Math thing going for her. I don't struggle in English nearly as much…"

The concern in his eyes twisted to recognition, "You've got to stop staying up so late Sayaka. You keep it up and your grades will suffer regardless how much studying you get done."

The blunette rolled her eyes. Admittedly, a lot of the time she spent up late at night wasn't exactly studying. Not unless she was planning to become a cat herder on the internet or a music critic.

"Geez, you sound just like Hitomi. Stop it; it's weird."

The comparison slipped out easier than she would have liked. In fact, she hadn't been planning to say that at all. Instead, her body had willed it via autopilot. And the scariest part was that her little statement was the truth. Just how close _were_ Hitomi and Kyosuke? They'd all been friends roughly the same length of time, but only now was Sayaka actually beginning to notice the kind of impact the grunette had on the boy. His speech was more eloquent than most, his posture a little stiffer, his eyes a little more scrutinizing than any of their peers; it was scary to admit, but even with his professional violin training taken into account there was far more in the boy's behavioral ticks that reminded her of Hitomi than of herself.

Hitomi. Her thoughts, her words kept coming back to that harlo- that… traitor. She bit down the silent insult and composed her thoughts.

Kyosuke chuckled, "Because we both care about you, Sayaka. We want to make sure you're being healthy _and_ getting a proper education. It's possible to do both, you know, even if it seems impossible."

Doing the impossible. Right. Now wasn't the time to falter. She had a man to woo, and she was going to woo him with flying colors!

"Ah, but yes," Sayaka chirped, pulling the CD out from around her back, "Just because it's an off day doesn't mean I didn't bring a treat." She set the case down in Kyosuke's good hand, letting him grip it and give it a proper once-over, "I know he's a composer you liked, but he apparently to do this jazz album, so I thought it'd be a nice change of pace from the normal stuff."

"Yeah… I think that'd be nice…" he said softly. His eyes weren't exactly present, staring a touch past the CD even though they seemed to be locked onto it.

Sayaka bit her lip, words coming to her throat, a confession playing at her lips.

"Kyosuke… W-would you like to listen to it? Now, I mean?"

She slapped herself mentally, making a note to cut out her own tongue for its betrayal of their cause.

Kyosuke shifted in his bed, startle, "What? Oh, yeah… sure…"

Sayaka's hands jumped to the bedside table, nervously shifting through the various CDs lining it to grab the CD player. She pulled the minimalistic contraption apart and opened the new CD, plopping it in. Her hands were still jittery as they pressed play. Kyosuke held onto the player in his right hand, crossing it over his body for comfort, mimicking the sling he'd gotten used to months ago.

With the left bud in her left ear the sweet, warm tones of city jazz began to melt into her eardrums, and it was almost instantly soothing. Her nerves began to still and her confidence returned, even in the wake of chickening out.

She sucked in a breath and exhaled, her hands finally stilling. She opened her eyes, barely having registered having closed them. It seems as if minutes had passed already, her mind having been lost in the sounds of sax and piano.

Sayaka looked up to the boy, following the right headphone cord to its corresponding bud.

The words 'Kyosuke, I love you,' once more burned behind her teeth.

She only saw the tears dripping down Kyosuke's face once the violin finally joined the other two instruments of the piece.

"Kyosuke…?"

Only part of her confession made it out.

"Sayaka, do you hate me?"

The question took a minute to register, so long so, that the boy continued before Sayaka could stutter out a response.

"I… I keep thinking… 'why is she doing this to me?', but I can never think of a clear answer…" Kyosuke's voice shook, his body trembling.

"W-what? Kyosuke, what are you talking about?" she asked. Her heart was beginning to speed up. Something was wrong. Something was very wrong.

"You know what I'm talking about!"

Sayaka jarred backwards at the boy's sudden outburst, his voice rising in volume in time with his left arm. The shout was capped by the limp limb plummeting down onto the player, shattering the CD in one fell swoop.

Kyosuke's cheeks were stained at this point, his eyes red, "You come in here every few days, with CDs and music, and make me listen to every damn track like everything is normal. I… I'm never going to be able to play again, Sayaka! You _know_ that! I can't even feel my arm right now…" The boy began to curl in on himself, "Why? Just… Why? Why do you keep torturing me? What did I do to deserve this?"

The blunette froze, her jaw trying to form coherent words, "I… n-no, Kyosuke, I…"

"You what?!" he shouted, his eyes latching onto her shivering form, glaring knives into her skull, "You _what_ Sayaka? Every time you walk through that door I feel nothing but dread knowing that my best friend is trying to make me miserable!"

"I… I thought it would help…" Sayaka offered weakly, eyes wide and dripping with tears.

Kyosuke squinted, his grimace becoming pained, "You thought it would _help_? Did you even bother asking?"

"Did you bother even trying to tell me?!" Sayaka snapped back, her emotions finally taking full control; anger and panic had taken the wheel.

"I thought my _friend_ would have noticed, but I guess you're not very observant are you!? You've always had your head in the goddamned clouds too much to notice!"

That comment pierced her, chilling her blood down every lone capillary and vein.

"Just… get out of her, Sayaka!" Kyosuke huffed, shrinking in on himself and cradling his reinjured arm.

"K-Kyosuke…-"

"I SAID GO!"

Sayaka flinched to her feet, legs staggering back towards the door even as she knocked her chair over. She scrambled down the hallway, briefly pawing at the elevator until it finally let her on board.

She'd barely registered she'd left the elevator by the time her feet hit the brick walkway outside the hospital. She was angry. She was lonely. She was scared.

But most of all, she was just desperate for a way to stop the world from spinning.

**Author's Note:**

> There we go, part one! Part two will be up in the next few days! I hope you're all ready, shit is about to get crazy!
> 
> As always, a plug for my YouTube (Celtic Phoenix Productions), plug for my (CelticPheonixProductions) and a plug for my commissions, which are still open! Please help me keep making awesome content like this!
> 
> That's all for now, catch ya on the flipside!


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